i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
