So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
