I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
