My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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