so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
