Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
