Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
