I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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