you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize