totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
