dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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