sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
