I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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