After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
