life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
