he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
