Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
