It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
