You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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