Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
