please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
