okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
