The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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