I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
