I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
