I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
