Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
