i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
