i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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