Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
