the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize