Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
