I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
