easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
