i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
