dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just cropdusted the office
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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