So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
