I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
zippers are such a cool invention
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
