So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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