and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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