Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
