I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
