Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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