i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Randomize
