if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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