WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
