No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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