i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
