So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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