I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
