Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
