I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
