dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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