he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
