Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
