you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
