there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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