you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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