from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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