My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
