so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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