Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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