Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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