Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
