Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
vagina is talking i cant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
