I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
