____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
