No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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