I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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