The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
